Friday, February 26, 2016

Supply Runs I
A trip to a big box store for a critical part once led to a nightmare of wandering in a maze with goblins chasing me. I have provided training to some of their employees who know less than I do! These chains also drop items which don't sell "enough". I stopped getting bummed out when clerks say "They don't make that anymore". I translate it as "You'll have to go to another store or find it online". I am willing to pay more at our real hardware store to maintain sanity and consistency.They often know more than I do and I can learn something useful. Finally, they really enjoy my wacky misadventures and share them with co-workers. This brightens their day and teaches me humility. I learned long ago to always bring the actual part- if it's dirty, greasy,etc. I now put it in a zip-loc so it doesn't stain the carpet in my car. I try to incorporate an errand which is sure to be successful into each trip in case the main effort turns fruitless. Lunch on the way can be fun, but avoid beer and other drinks. One time I went to lunch with some big guys who helped me build my deck. We had lunch and beer and I had a nap when we got back to my place.

Monday, February 22, 2016

Friendly advice
For some folks, giving advice to neighbors and friends about repairs is a near hobby. I have erred in this myself when a brother was building his home by a lake. Unless it targets the solution to a specific problem it is generally unhelpful or simply boring. Now, when an acquaintance plays the
role of "peanut gallery", I simply nod over and over until they depart. However, sometimes the trouble maker has a good point and I integrate it into my plans. I'll close with a semi-tangental story which may amuse the reader. One day some neighborhood kids, home-schooled in a religious sect, placed rocks from my garden onto the lawn which badly needed mowing. Luckily,  a friend installing our porch ceiling mentioned that some youth were "playing in the yard" that day. This and my mom's childhood direction to "always police the yard" alerted me to an alteration in the landscape. In the absence of these tips,  their rock "redesign" would have been catastrophic when I mowed!

Saturday, February 20, 2016

Project Timelines
I not only feel uncomfortable with them, I generally ignore or forget timelines. Under spousal pressure I once threatened a "strike". On our first house, in the Spring-time, a friend asked the probable length of prep and painting the exterior: I guesstimated a month might do the trick.The following Summer I got the first coat on. The expression "Painting is all in the prep" applies triple here. One side of the (1910) home had dry rot and the other wet rot. Not only did lower siding have to be replaced, but wood further in as well. Various species of animals ensconced within delayed matters, but I will devote several future posts to experiences with fauna in great detail. Finally, the folks who built the home thought newspaper was insulation and this further impeded my progress. I had to break in order to read any news I found that was of interest.

Friday, February 19, 2016

somewhat safe
possibly lethal
Ladders I
My general rule of thumb for ladders is the shorter the better. Although I am not afraid of heights, ladders are scary. Surprisingly, I actually have many ladders.  Most of these take the form of the usual- step stools, step ladders and three sizes of extensions. The longest extension (28 feet) frightens me so much I hide it under the front porch. That way I only remember it when I absolutely need it. Honestly, I have looked up at a dead branch in a gutter (house is tall and narrow) and wondered how will I get that thing down?
On top of a full compliment of "regular" ladders I also have several odd short ones I use to screw in art to the walls of a neighborhood bakery, bunk bed versions decorating our tree-house,links from the garage roof to the tree house and a curved model from a scrapyard for fun. The reader may be thinking- Why on earth would a person who is afraid of ladders have more than they need? Simply put, ladders are not only very useful tools, they have a mystical quality. Call it a bridge - connecting or allowing for greater possibilities.
One time I had to install a 25 foot Chinese dragon bas-relief sculpture on the outside wall of a futon shop. Knowing my proclivities for error/disaster, I requested an employee stand  the base of the ladder. He later said "You wanted me to keep it steady, right?". To which I answered "No, I figured if I fell, I would fall on you and survive".
Painting I
Painting is fun because the effects/ impact can be very striking. This is even true of sloppy paintwork, for which no reader should try to compete with the author. I thought about including "rules" in the blog, for fun and warning(s). If I had, rule #1 would have been- Don't  try to copy or reenact any events depicted within this blog- my mistakes are very ugly! One time I carefully laid out a single layer of sheets on the floor of our first basement to prepare to paint the walls. I then whirled like a dervish and kicked the open gallon paint can- Jackson Pollack style. My quick wit led to the conclusion that the floor could be painted first after all! I was painting in an actually rational process of high-middle-low, as in ceiling first then walls, etc. The sheet which had acquired the most paint was transformed into a new painting tool I dubbed "The Swab". Amazing how quick it is to paint a floor when you throw a gallon down! Even on small paint jobs I am so prone to spills that I sometimes drape a drop-cloth over my whole person like a giant bib as I paint a small object by hand.
Electrical Work I
If possible avoid it. Electricity is dangerous. When it's required I shut off the main breaker. This has the added joy of the need to reset all the digital clocks ( stove, microwave....) which will now be blinking 12:00 incessantly. More on "phantom" appliance costs later. I have fond  memories from early childhood of my parents yelling up and down two flights of stairs while replacing Buss fuses. It struck me then as a near war level of teamwork and excitement. I once "tested" a newly installed outlet with an iron and actually jumped for joy when I burned my finger! I now use a clock radio so I can hear if it works from the basement breaker panel. Finally, we have a collection of assorted light timers. Some work, some don't and others we lost the instructions. We found that some models appear to work, even emanating a pleasant humm and then fail to fulfill their purpose of turning the light on and off!

Thursday, February 18, 2016

PLUMBING I
Plumbing is tricky. Even if all the parts are assembled properly it can still leak- plumber's putty and teflon tape are artistry. I tell my gal that I can do simple projects, but it may leak when I'm "done". It's actually been exciting to take something apart with the possibility I may not get it together again. At times I just do my 95% and then call a pro to stop the leak I've created.
I once had a plumber arrive late in the process above, very drunk. He sat on the edge of the tub, looked at the toilet and said "You can do that, you can finish it". He proceeded to walk out and drive away surprisingly well. I called the dispatcher and explained it was cool with me, but if the whole scenario was repeated with the next customer they might really be upset.
Youtube tutorials have revolutionized the DIY (do it yourself) world and I appreciate them greatly for both their educational and entertainment value. I will lampoon them in a general way in a future post.
My late dad had a great respect for plumbers and felt they deserved every penny they earned. By watching them I learned to use a bucket and plenty of rags, ignore the strange smells and to be as strict about turning everything off as electricians are with their systems. One time I was walking between two parts of a project and sensed a sound... I thought do I hear water running? Because I raced as the Flash would a bucket was enough to stem the flow, if I had not or if there was no bucket there it would have been a DIY disaster.